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Two Stories by Mark Baumer


Another idea about making ideas
     
The most ideas I’ve ever done in my life is the time I had a lot of consistent ideas day after day because I found the time, the motivation, and the space to try to make something new in the world like an idea. It probably took me thousands of years to learn this, but I learned it really good until I didn’t have to learn anything else. After you’ve done enough really good learning you can spend most of your free time learning from your own ideas. Even bad ideas that don’t have any concept of reality are good at teaching you how to learn a new thing. I’ve seen other idea people that are more talented and their ideas make the world a better place for ideas, but it is okay for me because the idea arena is not a competitive zone for people to lose and not win. The idea zone is a personal form of optimism that won’t stop glowing until after all the batteries in your glue cell need to be recharged by expensive island doctors. There are over 180,000 islands on earth. Just yesterday, an idea taught me how to learn that neat fact about islands. I don’t mind when my ideas are unoriginal, poorly constructed, and not very talented. A lot of idea people think I have a deficiency, but ideas are not about deficiencies. Ideas are always about the ideas.
     
     
Gary Gaetti
     
I was once a famous baseball player for the Chicago Mountain Trouts. Most people don’t know this, but in high school I hit three-hundred homeruns almost every single afternoon. There are a lot of uneducated people in the world. I want to educate everyone. Only one person ever knew how to hit homeruns as good as me. His name was “Dad,” but I don’t think that was his real name. I’m not sure what his real name was. My dad was probably the only homerun man that ever could be a better homerun man than me. Anyway, I wanted to show you how to hit a home run, but you probably don’t know how to hit a homerun so it won’t do me any good to show you because it’s basically impossible for anyone to hit homeruns except me and my dad.
     
     
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In the literary world, there is nothing that can match the excitement of reading a new author bio by Mark Baumer because Mark Baumer is an elderly white male that likes to play with worms the same way a small child likes to put plastic toys up its butt. In the author photo (not included), Mark Baumer can be seen wearing a dress shirt under a hockey jersey for the local Providence Snow Melts which used to be a part of Aviator Refrigeration Association (ARA), but had to relocate to the National Relocated Association (NRA) once the ARA disbanded.